Thursday, June 7, 2007

Enter the Scanman

Anyone get the reference in the title of this post? Special prize to the first person to respond correctly.

Before I provide an update on the scans, I must say that while the Red Sox may have won today in Oakland, I am loving the fact that Schilling lost a PERFECT GAME with 2 outs in the 9th. Hope you enjoyed your one hitter, Curt.

Ok, so, here's the update:

Got to the hospital this morning at 7:15 am. At 7:45 they had me changed into these pajama things and stuck me in ye olde cylinder. This one was gigantic: a real bad boy. For this one, they gave me earplugs because of the noise it creates when filming. After putting them in, they put a Hannibal Lecter-like mask over my face. I was then moved into the cylinder and this thing proceeded to POUND for about 45 minutes -- and I mean POUND. I couldn't even hear myself think. It was like sitting in the damn engine of an airplane. They pulled me out it at about the 35 minute mark, gave a contrast IV and then took more film. I don't mean to bitch and moan, because short of the IV's the scans are all essentially painless but man, I have to say that these tests -- and I've now had countless CT's, MRI's PET's, CAT's, ultrasounds, etc. -- are disconcerting, to say the least. All I can say is I am *truly* glad I am not claustrophobic. I do take solace in the fact that the technician was super nice -- and cute, too, for that matter.

I should have results of this one next week.

The ultrasound was far less egregious. For all of you with kids, it's basically the same thing they do to the wives stomach to examine the child, only on the neck. I was there for about 45 but this technician (also cute, btw, not that it matters, dear wife who is certainly reading this) kept me highly entertained with her stories (divorced a doc, remarrried a doc, from California, likes horses, lived in FLA, lives in Marin, etc. She was pretty funny). She also told me that UCSF was renowned for it's ultrasound and that people literally travel from across the world to see Dr. Clark (my surgeon) which I obviously find encouraging.

Anyway, the big news from ultrasound: they couldn't find the damn bugger. And she looked everywhere. Which leads her to conclude it's either hidden, or a remnant of tissue vs. a lymph node.

So, here's how things have shaken out:

-- we know there's uptake of radiation into the thyroid bed
-- PET scan is clean in thyroid (no uptake)
-- MRI is still tbd
-- Ultrasound shows nothing.

What does this all mean? I have no freaking clue. Guess we'll have to wait and see what Dr. Clark has to say on the 13th. One thing I have definitely learned the past year: there's no sense trying to figure these things out. You really need to be Zen about it and put your trust in the experts, or you run the risk of making yourself crazy. Cancer is without question NOT the best disease for a true control freak.

Lastly, I spoke with my father today and he seems to feel badly about his comments on the blog. He said he wanted to stop posting and just send me email. I told him that he could do whatever he wanted, but that I thought his comments were the best thing about this thing and that most of you probably agreed. So let's put it to a vote: should he continue to post (I vote aye) or is his idea of self-banishment a good one?


Payro said...

First of all, Metallica. "Say your prayers..." I anxiously await my prize, which leads to..

Second, cute technicians? Hook a brother up.

Third, of course GS should post. He's right everytime (except that one thinking he was raising a ballplayer - methinks not). And you're correct, he's one good reason to read this (Zevan's intro to theater is another).

Finally, I'll take a negative scan as great news. Congrats. I know it's confusing, but negative is negative, and that's only positive.


wiley said...

darn, i thought i would win the reference. oh well.

i'm so confused by your post that i'm pretty speechless.

Howard Solomon said...

You think YOU are confused?

Payro, your prize is Helen Klein race fee is on me. Hell, you too Wiley for that matter.

50 miler IS getting done this year, boys.

Anonymous said...

glory be to payro(whoever he is).he thinks i,m funny. i like that in a man.
as far as hot technicians go i had one (not literally of course) recently with an artificial nose. looked like that dude in the movie Cat Ballou.GS

Payro said...

Cat Ballou - one of the funniest westerns ever. Lee Marvin had the fake nose. Young Jane Fonda (hubba hubba).

ToddB said...

GS, you MUST continue to post! Wouldn't be the same without you.

neil s said...

the last time gs was banned from something it was from the gymnasium of our jewish basketball league (some real tough ballin' there.) let's just say banishment did not work then and it should not be applied now. long gs.

WAZ said...

Great news.

GS should keep posting, but needs to start adding colorful stories about Howard's colorful past. In fact, we all should, though it may prove difficult to find stories that are appropriate for a family blog.

greedo said...

There are in fact some colorful, yet safe, RealTrueFacts about HS:

1. When HS runs, he's not travelling over land, but actually staying still and moving the Earth below him.
2. HS does not sleep, he only turns off his Blackberry.
3. HS has two speeds. Run, and ludicrous.
4. The moon is so far away, only because HS is so tall, he kept bumping his head on it, so he moved into higher orbit.
5. When HS eats a candy bar he turns into lightning.

Howardsol said...

You're one weird dude, Greedo

scotth said...

Sorry Payro, you don't get the prize. Our boy threw in a Yankee reference. You have the song right, but the reference is to a metaphorical Mariano Rivera--the tests--coming in to save the game. [For extra credit, it can also be Billy Wagner, who originated the use of the song as entrance music]. Brother Neilie, I'm surprised you did not get that (quick, Neilie, say this post backwards}.

I've been a huge GS fan since day one. (My favorite GS story is his pre-Europe speach to me: "Don't let Howard do anything F---ing stupid over there. They won't think a skinny jewish wiseass is funny...." Please GS, stick around.